Monday, December 14, 2009

Reba Mcentire makes me wanna rip my own dick off.
There, I said it.

Monday, December 7, 2009


This method has been tested through science. Me and my friends Marn and Himrn play all the time. Take a book of Madlibs, and fill in every blank with the word "boner" or "boners" (where appropriate) and then get ready to hurt - from laughter.



The girl of my dreams has boner boner hair scented like boners. Her eyes are like two boner pools of boner. And her lips remind me of boner boners. Her skin is as smooth and loverly as a boner boner, and she has a figure like Boner. When she enters a room, people always stare at her and say, "Boner! What a boner woman!" Her sense of humor is always boner, and people marvel at her boner vocabulary. In my dreams I see her wearing a boner dress and a diamond boner in her hair. I would gladly give up all my boners for one evening with this boner female. Her name is Boner.


And then Marn laughed so hard he got a boner.

Madliboners also good for parties.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

"She got it hard.
Now it's a big erection."
-Dennis Wilson

(thanks, Dennis Wilson)

Saturday, November 14, 2009

The Animal

-Rob Schneider
-Girl from the first Survivor with the manipulative gay man (Richard Hatch, who was later arrested for not paying the government tax on money he "won" on said television program).

Plot Summary:

Former Saturday Night Live cast member Rob Shneider stars in this comedy as Marvin Mage, a wimpy nebbish whose lifelong dreams of becoming a police officer are thwarted by his diminutive stature. But when Marvin is critically injured in an auto wreck, deranged scientist Dr. Wilder (Michael Caton) uses various animal body parts to save his life, leaving the patient with the stamina and physical skills of the organ donors. Marvin quickly gains fame as a supercop, but he's also left with all of the embarrassing animal instincts and urges that accompany his new powers -- a serious threat to his blooming romance with new girlfriend Rianna (Colleen Haskell).

This movie was better than someone with a peanut allergy avoiding eating them, but not as good as laughing with a differently abled person.

It had all it's facts straight. For example, in the scene where Marvin Mage (Rob Schneider) enters a pond to save a child, he behaves very much like a dolphin. Swimming and jumping about, all the while making noises akin to dolphin sounds. This was educational because I never knew dolphins could live in fresh water.

Rob Schneider's receding hairline was a stark reminder that time is not on our side. One day we shall all be visited by the reaper and he may bring us north or south. I believe Marvin Mage to be a good man. There is proof of this in the ending, which I will not explicate - nobody likes a spoiler, and I certainly don't want any hate mail.

If you could only see one movie this year, don't see this one. If you could see, say eleven or twelve movies this year, make this one of them. I would make it the 7th. You will have plenty after to wash away the stink of dislike, or if you love it you could watch it again up to 5 times.

Quoted from Lucas M.C. Lalonde's Movie Review on Archives available at

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Thursday November 12th
Luke Lalonde
444444 Postal Street
M5M 1M1

Dear TV commercials from the 90s,

I like your jeans and I like how you look. I watch you on my Rogers Cable west coast feed, east coast feed... you know, pretty much like, every feed. May you miraculously stick around far beyond 2010 advertising Leon's et al.


Luke Lalonde & Family.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Deceipt, in the bag
Rhythymnals on our leg slapping

Sunday, November 1, 2009